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theyullenator:

「 Magi c243 」

That last panel. His expression.

Is that what Judar wants to hear? Or something he’s repeated to himself a million times and never let himself believe, even if it’s true? The deep darkness within himself I think he might not even really want to be saved from, that’s screaming and kicking for recognition like a spoiled little child. I think perhaps he’s certain that there’s nowhere else he belongs. Being the villain suits him best; he’s never really had an opportunity to be anything else (which is an excuse, really, he’s always had a choice, but he was never taught just moral values). I don’t think he wants to be saved from his darkness, but rather that he wants both sides of himself to be accepted by someone. By that someone he kept bothering like a crush to a schoolboy, and wouldn’t stop picking fights with until recently. (And he definitely didn’t stop because he lost interest.)

This brat doesn’t want Sinbad to view him as someone to be pitied. And he hates it when people try to make excuses for him, because it’s denying a huge part of who he is/who he has become. (Sorry if I keep on saying the obvious.) Which is why he “faked” that outburst a long while back—to turn Sinbad’s pity into spite. He wants to rub it in Sinbad’s face, perhaps, that he’s truly rotten to the core and there’s nothing he can do to “fix” him, and keep that deep and quiet hope that Sinbad would accept him anyway hidden.

…in my opinion, I don’t think Sinbad actually hates him. I mean, you don’t hate someone and sound almost disappointed when you come across them and they don’t approach you. (I mean, why even bother mentioning running into him sitting on a tree if you weren’t, like, expecting him to come visit to pester you?) And there’s a reason that Judar is Sinbad’s Magi in another universe. The characters might be different depending on the universe, but they’re likely similar at the core, as well as the general nature of their relationships. In the other universe—hell, Sin’s comfortable with putting a hand on his shoulder. (To be honest, Sindra clothes don’t suit our!Judar. Needs to show off more abs. And less green—red and purple are his colours.)

I’m still incredibly curious as to how Judar went about going against Sinbad in the past. On a whim? Spite? …Envy? I’d like to think it was because he was hurt because Sinbad rejected a childish offer of his (world domination again? :P). Considering how young and brainwashed he was, I wouldn’t be surprised if he were more lost than anything. Doesn’t change the fact that he’s pretty damned rotten. (Emphasis on the pretty.)

I can’t tell if that’s self-hatred in his expression, or just bitterness because he’s thinking “that’s not true; he will never forgive me for it, and I don’t deserve to be forgiven for it. I’ve fallen this far already, I can’t be saved. He won’t save me from this crushing depravity.” (oops. that was only supposed to be one line. /cough. I gots a carried aways.) Still, I really wished at one point that Sinbad would have at least a little regret in his heart for not being able to stop Judar, or tear away the clutches Al Thamen has on him. (I’ve given up on this, obviously. = u= Why should any decent percentage of my top OTPs get any actual traction, and live up to their potential that I believed in from the start?)

(Gosh, I don’t think I could love him any more than this. Sorry Izaya, I think I just grew to adore him more than you.)